The NBA League Pass is similar to eating at a buffet several times on most weeks from the months of April to October. Initially, it is a phenomenal idea. A myriad of choices are at your fingertips, the power is overwhelming, you devour everything in sight. However, regret will set in my friends.
Before you know it, curiosity has wreaked havoc and you’re eating everything the place has to offer instead of sticking to the good stuff that makes you feel wholesome on the inside. I am here to help you develop a pecking order for your NBA League Pass season so you don’t feel too bloated and regretful of your choices.
Let me be clear, this is not an assessment of each teams likely success this season, instead, I am subjectively measuring which have the highest propensity to create an interesting game on any given night thanks to their star-power, overall effort, style of play, team storylines, new talent, etc. Keep in mind, many of big market teams will receive national television attention all year, keeping most of their best games off of League Pass, thus some of those team's rankings could be affected. So, let’s get to the elevator pitches shall we?
The “Not Worth your Time” Tier
30. Denver Nuggets
Unless you’re the president of the Emmanuel Mudiay fan club, you will find it difficult to watch this lethargic team on most nights. Sure, Kenneth Faried will offer some highlight plays, like the one in his “Welcome to the NBA” commercial last season that was forced upon us far too often. However, the overall supporting cast fails to reach levels of excitement that even rival waiting in line at the DMV.
29. Brooklyn Nets
Andrea Bargnani only had to call a cab to reach his new destination. He joins a veteran cast that stands a small chance of making the Eastern Conference Playoffs. Even if they achieve that feat, it won’t be a pretty ride. The Nets lack explosiveness and a superstar. Stray away, unless you’re into court architecture. The Barclays Center may have a permeant Instagram filter placed on it, someone check into that for me please.
28. Philadelphia 76ers
If Joel Embiid was healthy this year, the Sixers would be worth more attention simply because of the astronomical combined size and potential of their three best players. On nights when their inexperience shows and they are blown out early, I have dreams of Sam Hinke forcing Nerlens Noel, Jahlil Okafor, and Embiid to stand on each other’s’ shoulders to see if they can reach the rafters for a halftime show. There will be occasional nights where things come together, and Tony Wroten plays like James Harden for a half, but the Sixers rebuilding and injury woes shouldn’t involve you, or most viewers.
27. Portland Trail Blazers
What used to be one of the most endearing and steadfast teams in the NBA, is now a shell of itself. The Blazers blew up their squad in the offseason after several disappointing exits in the playoffs. Damian Lillard is a superstar. He will certainly provide amazing scoring flurries, and signature clutch performances. But, you’re better off giving his freestyles a listen, than his basketball team a view. Honestly, the guy can rap.
26. Boston Celtics
Do you love power forwards? If so, you can find most of the NBA’s average PF’s on the Celtics. Sure, Cody Zeller and Kelly Olynyk can play center but the interior defense for the C’s has room for improvement. Brad Stevens has an eclectic group of guards who can be amusing on some nights, but there are many more valuable LP choices.
25. New York Knicks
Carmelo Anthony returns for another season with The Zen Master and that could be enough to rope in a few LP viewers. Phil Jackson has added veterans players like Arron Afflalo and Robin Lopez to the mix, but does that really excite you? Didn’t think so. Kristap Porzingis will prove his worth in time, but unless the Zen Master can fast-forward their progress a few years, you shouldn’t let their growing pains burden your TV screen.
24. Charlotte Hornets
Kemba Walker will display occasional heroics worth watching, but for 3.5 quarters, the Hornets play an uninspiring two-man game. Al Jefferson is a gifted center on offense, but unless you truly value old-school post moves, you may fall asleep watching him, if he doesn’t beat you to it. Seriously, Big Al has one facial expression, and it’s the same one your grandfather has after a family BBQ while rocking to sleep on the porch. He’s had a little too much excitement for one day and he could use a rest. Frank Kaminsky and Nicolas Batum will immediately contribute, but neither are truly exciting players. Look for this team to make a playoff push, but not a push into your living room.
The “Bench-Warmers” Tier
23. Orlando Magic
The Magic will roll-out a starting five with plenty of potential for future LP viewers. Victor Oladipo highlights a young and hungry cast of misfits hoping to right the ship after a significant amount of rebuilding years. Super Mario Hezonja could be the most intriguing rookie entering the league this year. I mean, did you see his Summer League dunk?! This team could be worth a game from you on a slow night, and they could easily grow on you. However, they have a few seasons to elapse before becoming must-watch material.
22. Detroit Pistons
Andre Drummond is a one-man wrecking crew, so much so, that the Pistons decided to get rid of Power Forward Greg Monroe in the hopes that Drummond will become the cornerstone of the franchise. Energetic Reggie Jackson leads out an athletic backcourt that should sustain a high pace offense, however, the Pistons rarely put it all together on most nights and that often leads to lackluster performances.
21. Minnesota Timberwolves
If there was a nightly dunk contest, the Timberwolves would be a top tier LP team thanks to the dynamic duo of Zach Lavine and Andrew Wiggins. However, real basketball is to be played and these youngsters have some time before their chemistry transposes onto the court. There is plenty of flash to admire, Ricky Rubio whips magical passes through impossible spaces, Wiggens imposes freakish athleticismon both ends of the court, and Lavine can dunk from other solar systems. Karl-Anthony Towns arrives just in time to make this year one of an official foundation for the Wolves. This team will still be on the receiving end of brutal beatings in the Western Conference, but tune in every once in a while and you could either be treated with some highlights or horrified by Rubio’s attempts to build a house out of bricks.
20. Sacramento Kings
If I had to choose one team to win a royal rumble match against the rest of the NBA, I choose the Kings. Rookie Willie Cauley-Stein will anchor the paint alongside DeMarcus Cousins to make a fearsome frontcourt duo. The Kings added Rajon Rondo to the mix which only adds barrells of fuel to this already combustiable. Unfortunately for the Kings, there is a strong chance they tear themselves apart from the inside this season. Would you be surprised if George Karl and Boogie create a larger fissure between each other? Or if Rajon Rondo went M.I.A. in the middle of the season? Me neither. If you’re feeling cynical some nights, give the Kings a try.
19. Dallas Mavericks
I felt awful for Dirk Nowitzki this summer, but then I remembered how he put on one of the most mind-melting shooting performances in NBA Finals history and how that will sail along in NBA legend forever. Therefore, my tears have dried up for Dirk. The days of returning back to Western Conference power are long over after DeAndre Jordan changed his mind so fast you would have thought it was the Clippers plan all along to destroy the Mavericks free agency period. DJ could have greatly increased their LP rankings, but instead the Mavs will rollout Center Zaza Pachulia, who slightly decreases their rating, sorry Zaza. The Mavs recovered by adding ticking timebomb Deron Williams and recovering Wesley Matthews to a new starting cast that will provide reasonable delight on occasion, but they won’t get you out of your seat.
18. Toronto Raptors
Coming off accusations that Drake doesn’t write his own raps, i'm having a difficult time processing what to think of Toronto products. Are they misunderstood or complete flakes? As of now, The Raptors are flakes; they demonstrated one of the most lackadaisical performances in last year’s playoffs. To make up for it, they added key defensive cog, DeMarre Carroll to the starting line-up.
There is no doubt the Raptors will earn another playoff spot this year on the wings of DeMar DeRozan and Kyle Lowry . Unless Derozan can carry his three point prowess from the Drew League into the NBA season, which I don't think he will, the Raptors aren’t that fun to watch. This may be one of the most controversial rankings, but the Raptors left such a bad taste in my mouth that I don’t want another bite of them for a while. At least Drake already dropped a response to charges against his legitimacy as an MC, your turn Raptors.
The “Role Players” Tier
17. Utah Jazz
One of the uplifting stories from last year was the Utah’s second half to the season. Rudy Gobert and Derrick Favors hosted weekly block parties that proved to be a great time for all involved besides the opposing side. Gordon Hayward, who still flies under the radar but is an effective first-option on offense, leads a young and exciting cast into a season where a playoff spot is possible, but unlikely. The Jazz’s defense is stifling, and entertaining to watch. If Coach Quinn Snyder unleashes Dante Exum this year, viewers could be in for a pleasant surprise.
16. Los Angeles Lakers
This is the opposite review of the Utah Jazz, the Lakers could easily implode at any point this season and become the joke of the NBA again. Kobe Bryant returns to an almost completely new rotation, and he doesn’t plan on getting to know them anytime soon as apparent in this hilarious response to an interview question from his new teammates. Halfway through the season I picture Kobe berating Roy Hibbert and asking him if he's a different animal, but the same beast. I have bad news Kobe, Hibbert is not a beast at all. There are plentiful offensive options for the Lakers this season. I’m not so sure there are enough shots to go around. The Lakers are always fun, even if it as their own expense.
15. Atlanta Hawks
At the halfway point we find the Hawks, which is really the perfect place for this even keel team who shocked the NBA during the regular season, then fell apart during the playoffs. The Hawks won’t do much for your adrenal gland, but they play beautiful basketball on most nights. The Hawks are an incredibly balanced basketball team, they will give authentic effort every night, but they won’t excite you and that places them perfectly halfway through out rankings.
14. Indiana Pacers
How good it is to have Paul George back? The Eastern Conference felt empty without the heroics of PG13 and the Pacers to fight against inevitable Conference Finals run of Lebron James. Now, Larry Bird has added Monta Ellis to help PG13 with the scoring load. There is no doubt the Pacers will give strong efforts on most nights, and be in some heavyweight bouts with Eastern Conference rivals throughout the season. Welcome back the Pacers and PG13.
13. Memphis Grizzlies
The most blue-collar team in the league became even more gritty this offseason with the addition of veteran Matt Barnes. The Grizzlies could use his three-point shooting, as well as his toughness to overwhelm weaker teams who don’t want to bang for all four quarters. Could you imagine being a young player on the floor against Barnes and Tony Allen ? They could probably make you wish you never came into the NBA, or went to college, or high school ,or that you were even born.
The unreal amount of trash talk that will occur this season among those vets will be pure entertainment for LP viewers. Marc Gasol returns to lead a recharged Grizzlies who are about as close to "now or never" for a title run as a team can get. The Grizz aren't national television darlings, meaning most of their LP games should be of high quality. They won’t do anything to light your socks on fire, but if you want a trustworthy team, the Grizz are for you.
12. Houston Rockets
James Harden, Ty Lawson, and Dwight Howard are a big three. The Rockets up-tempo style suits most current basketball fans, and they will certainly be involved in fiery shootouts during the season. However, the playoffs gave us tangible evidence on how stifled that tempo can become. Harden’s effective, yet annoying, ability to earn a foul on most plays destorys the flow of a game. By the same token, the painful to watch "hack-a-Dwight" method will return to haunt our nightmares once again. The Rockets are an exciting team, but sometimes Harden and Dwight’s time spent at the free-throw line can be cumbersome. Unless you're a freethrow lover, there will be other teams to dedicate LP time to.
11. Cleveland Cavaliers
Before you reach through your computer screen, attempt to shake sense into me, and say “LeBronnnnn Jamessss,” hear me out. The Cavs will find themselves on national television a ton this year, and just like the Warriors, they have the ability to blow most conference teams out of the water. However, unlike the Dubs, they won’t engulf other teams in spectacular fashion.
Don’t forget, LeBron essentially took a vacation last season which could happen again if the Cavs jump out to a comfortable standing in the East. With that out of the way, there is no denying the absolute joyride that is watching Kyrie Irving and LeBron James fire on all cylinders. Kyrie’s handles had me practicing my crossover in the middle of the night several times last season. Their partner in crime, Kevin Love, has made it clear he values championship contention over everything, which should lead to a more harmonious relationship with Lebron this season. Coming off a tough NBA Finals loss, the Cavs should come out swinging for a while. However, you can see them do so regularly during big games on national networks, as the Cavs become a huge selling point for the NBA.
The “Regulars” Tier
10. Chicago Bulls
If Tom Thibodeu remained in Chicago, the Bulls wouldn’t be in the top 10 on this list. Honestly, they might not have been on this list at all. The Bulls are one of the most frustrating teams to watch on some nights thanks to their offensive ineptitude. I'm not kidding, I may need psychiatric evaluation after watching the Bulls offense come down to Joakim Noah pivoting his shoes off at the top of the key as he begs for anyone to make a cut to the basket.
There is hope now; the arrival of offensive-minded Fred Hoiberg should change how the Bulls operate. Jimmy Butler and Doug McDermott should benefit with more motion in the offense, leading to more exciting games. The Bulls play every game like it is their last, and that dedication is why you can at least trust the Bulls. Plus, Derrick Rose gifts viewers every so often with glimpses of his MVP form and that is someting special to behold.
9. Washington Wizards
The Wiz proved to the world last season that they are real competitors in the Eastern Conference. John Wall is the most complete point guard in the Eastern Conference, demonstrating his leadership and heart time and time again. Bradley Beal, Otto Porter, and Kelly Oubre make for an electric core that will entertain most NBA fans. On top of that, Marcin Gortat is one of the most interesting men in the world, and glimpses of that could be shown on LP. Last year, I personally witnessed Gortat climb many rows into the stands just to take a picture with a fan holding a sign. Give the Wizards a shot this year.
8. Milwaukee Bucks
If you stretched the Bucks starting five from head to toe, do you think they could reach Earth 2.0 and tell us if there are more Anthony Davis people out there? I’d like to think so. The Bucks are now one of the longest, leanest and meanest teams in the NBA. The Bucks weild youth and untapped potential. The addition of Greg Monroe gives the Bucks a true post-scorer that can free up space on the outside for the athletic wings. Monroe’s defense is usually lackluster, however, it will be masked by the go-go-gadget arms of his surrounding starters. Jabari Parker returns from an unfortunate injury giving the Bucks another true scorer to rely on. Look for this team to be in plenty of close games, fight hard, and be spectacular to watch. Not to mention, you probably won’t see them much on national television. They are a sneaky pick for your LP experience.
7. San Antonio Spurs
I imagine the rest of the NBA feels the same way Jon Snow did during the previous season of Game of Thrones where he watched in terror as an army of White Walkers be resurrected by the terrifying Night’s King. I regret to inform the rest of the NBA, but the white walkers are the Spurs, Gregg Popovitch is the Night’s King, and winter is coming! The addition of LaMarcus Aldridge was enough to strike fear into the NBA, then the Spurs took it one step further by bringing on All-NBA tough guy David West. Did I mention Manu Ginobili, Tony Parker, Tim Duncan, and Kawhi Leonard returned too? Pop will continue his tradition of giving veterans rest on some nights, but with LMA in town to play every game alongside Leonard, there won’t be too many nights to miss the Spurs in action.
6. Phoenix Suns
Jeff Hornaceck’s combo guard experiment is something to behold. Eric Bledsoe and Brandon Knight have untapped potential that could be unleashed with the arrival of Tyson Chandler. He provides an essential need for the combo guard’s pick-and-roll success, a diving big man who can use his power to find the rim. Chandler still has gas left in the tank, and it should be enough for at least one rousing season for the Suns. Devin Booker adds an important shooting balance to the high-octane Suns offense. This team will be in battle royals all season to earn a playoff spot; you won’t regret dedicating your LP time to the Suns.
5. Golden State Warriors
Oracle Arena is still home to the greatest show on Earth, the Splash Bros. If you enjoy screaming manically with your friends in a way that mimics the reaction to Supa Hot Fire’s first few bars in the classic rap parody video, than the Warriors are for you. Far too often last season, I found myself rolling around in denial, hands over my eyes because I thought they were betraying me after watching Stephen Curry or Klay Thompson burn the bottom of the net for unprecedented stretches of time.
The Dubs are coming off the highest achievement in the NBA, so there is a slight decrease in worthiness only because they have reached the mountain top. There is an innate sense of complaceny that comes with that for fans. They were an awesome team, but it would be cool if another team won this year. However, don’t be surprised if Steve Kerr puts his foot down to the pedal again for a historic regular season and playoff run. Sure, the Dubs will be on national television in high quantities this year, but no game of theirs is worth missing when the reigning MVP can create doubt in your understanding of reality on any night.
4. New Orleans Pelicans
Are you into science and the evolution of our species? Or, do you enjoy the mystery surrounding outer space and extraterrestrial lifeforms? Of course you are, so am I, and we have found a living enigma in Anthony Davis. If Space Jam 2 is materialized, Davis should be immediaty cast as a Monstar. He alone warrants a top five rating, but the fact that the Pelicans are competitive in the Western Conference, and have hired trustworthy Alvin Gentry as Head Coach, just add to their LP worthiness. Without Jrue Holiday, the Pelicans orchestrated an honorable fight to reach the playoffs last season. However, the Pelicans could be ignored by national television outlets again this year. There games are exciting. When Tyreke Evans, Holiday, and Eric Gordon are all healthy beside the "Monstar", you should spend four quarters watching the Pelicans on most nights.
3. Miami Heat
Imagine Pat Riley watching Heat games with you, that’s what I will be doing this season. He props his feet up, wears a suit, smokes a cigar, nods in approval when his genius (or lucky) plans materialize in front of our eyes. Justise Winslow falling to the Heat at the 10th pick in this year’s NBA draft was nothing short of sorcery on Riley’s part. On top of their fantastic rookie, veteran big man Amar'e Stoudemire and dunk champion Gerald Green bring more bench scoring to the Heat. Miami trots out one of the most complete starting lineups in the league. Last season, NBA fans were stripped of seeing Goran Dragic run one of the scariest pick-and-roll combos with Chris Bosh due to Bosh's health issues. Now, we will be treated to that, Hassan Whiteside attempting to increase his 2K rating and Dwyane Wade vying for one more shot at a Wrestlemania-like Eastern Conference Finals with Lebron and the Cavs. I hope Adam Silver can make this happen even if it is not earned, just pull a Vince McMahon, wield executive power, and give us that match. This team should be a blast to watch all season if their health holds.
2. Oklahoma City Thunder
This ranking assumes that Billy Donavan knows how to draw up basketball plays, because Scott Brooks didn’t. The other assumption is that Kevin Durant will play with a foot that won’t betray us all this season. Donavan is a storied NCAA coach that should immediately help Durant and Russell Westbrook become more dangerous and lead a charge deep into the Western Conference playoffs. Russ, as a player, is literally dangerous and frightens me when he goes full-blown Super Sayian. His transition dunks involve more violence than most modern-day boxing matches, When Westbrook is lit on fire, he’s the most exciting player to watch in the NBA. When Durant is on fire with him, your TV may melt. The former MVP’s foot holds the key to the Thunder’s season. In a stacked Western Conference, every game matters and there should be serious battles on most nights for the Thunder. All the reason to give OKC your LP time this season.
1. Los Angeles Clippers
This is going to be fun. With the return of the DeAndre Jordan, and the arrival of Paul Pierce, Lance Stephenson, and Josh Smith, fireworks are guaranteed. Unless of course, Josh Smith has difficulty making it to the arena because he was forced to get another job due to his family’s hardship on a roughly 7 million dollar salary. The Clips are still home to “Lob City” where posters are made nightly, but they are also now home to a nightly airing of Jerry Springer. There are so many outrageous personalities on this team from coach, players, to owner. With that said, the combined skill on this team right now is unmatched.
It shouldn’t be surprising to see them in the Western Conference Finals. However, and what is more entertaining to consider, is the very real possibility of this team absolutely imploding on a nuclear level on the way there. Can you imagine cerebral Point Guard Chris Paul on the court with Stephenson, Smith, and DJ at the same time?! The likelihood of CP3 being charged for attempted murder is quite high considering the numskull decisions made by the aforementioned teammates. Don’t believe me? Lance Stephenson and Josh Smith ranked in the top 10 for “worst true shooting percentage” last season. That statistic is keeping CP3 up at night in cold sweats. Let’s not forget, Austin Rivers and Doc Rivers are doing their best to act out a Lifetime Network movie this season. Imagine it now, Austin hits a game-winner in a crucial regular season game and the Rivers family shares a tearful moment while Blake Griffin hilariously tweets about the emotional situation with emojis. Everything you could ask for is here, your most LP-worthy team.