After a three-touchdown performance against a laughable Philadelphia Eagles defense on Sunday, David Johnson of the Arizona Cardinals is now the 11th-best fantasy running back on the season.
That in and of itself isn't the surprise.
Instead, get this: Johnson has touched the ball a total of 148 times on the season. For comparison's sake, the No. 9 running back on the list, Chris Ivory, has touched the ball 256 times this year.
In those 148 touches, the rookie third-round pick has put up 11 total touchdowns.
He's like that significant other that doesn't put out too often. But when he/she does, it's absolutely spectacular.
For those of you in dyno leagues, attempt to find a way to roster Johnson. With an average of 23 rush attempts over the past three games, he's going to be a fantasy stud in 2016.
Speaking of studs, San Diego Chargers running back Danny Woodhead compiled a career-best four touchdowns against the Miami Dolphins last week.
The only reasonable explanation for this performance has to be that Woodhead and the Chargers got Ndamukong Suh drunk at the Gaslamp District the night prior to the game. It's absurd that any NFL team in today's football world could give up four touchdowns to Woodhead in one game.
The most hilarious thing about Woodhead's performance is that he put up just 10 rushing yards on eight attempts and a total of 60 yards on 14 touches.
Hey NFL, this dude is 5-foot-9, about six inches taller than Anna Kendrick. Don't let this happen again.
Blaine Gabbert threw one touchdown compared to three interceptions and was sacked four times by the Cincinnati Bengals on Sunday. He put up 2.78 more fantasy points than Aaron Rodgers.
If that makes you want to throw your keyboard against the wall, get this: Jimmy Clausen, Case Keenum, Zach Mettenberger and A.J. McCarron all had better fantasy outings than Rodgers. It's not that bad Aaron, at least you finished ahead of Kellen Moore.
Washington Redskins tight end Jordan Reed caught all seven passes thrown in his direction for 84 yards and two touchdowns against the Buffalo Bills last week. He's now caught all 17 passes thrown to him for 204 yards and three touchdowns over the past two weeks.
Overall this season, Reed has tallied a 75 percent catch rate with nine touchdowns on 74 receptions. For comparison's sake, Rob Gronkowski has put up a 62 percent catch rate with 11 touchdowns on 66 receptions. Less than three fantasy points per game seperates these two tight ends.
Yeah.
Oh. Let's tie in the Aaron Rodgers and Washington Redskins comparison you all knew was coming.
Honestly, I have absolutely no idea what to do with this.
"If Russell Wilson could start not being so perfect, that would be tremendous."
Signed everyone around the NFL, including those of us who are tasked with playing him in our fantasy league championships this week.
What the Seattle Seahawks quarterback is doing right now is absolutely absurd. Wilson is completing 74.3 percent of his passes for an average of 313.4 total yards per game while tallying 20 touchdowns and zero interceptions in his past four outings.
This has Wilson as the top fantasy quarterback by just nine points during that span. Want to know why?
If you guessed Cam Newton, then you already know we are prepared to provide you with an Internet cookie for being correct.
Leading the Carolina Panthers to a still undefeated record, Newton has tallied 17 total touchdowns compared to one interception for an average of 30 fantasy points over the past five games.
Pittsburgh Steelers receiver Antonio Brown caught 16 passes last week against a Denver Broncos corner in Chris Harris who had allowed a total of 36 catches in the first 13 games. Brown also came away with two touchdowns, the first two that Harris has given up since Week 11 of the 2013 season.
Over the past six games, Brown has caught 64 passes for 866 yards and six touchdowns.
You know what's hilarious about this? Brown will take on a Baltimore Ravens defense this upcoming Sunday that has allowed the third-most fantasy points to receivers on the season and a total of 25 touchdowns to that position in 14 games. Yikes!
Notice how we didn't cover Odell Beckham above? Well, that's just not a topic this one scribe feels comfortable talking about. His actions last week — leading to a one-game suspension — could potentially cost me hundreds of cold-hard cash. I am sure some of you are in the same boat. For this, OBJ deserves nothing more than a lump of coal for Christmas. Enjoy!