Week 16 is in the books. As we bring the season to a close, I am struggling with emotions. Most of us ended our fantasy seasons in week 16, although there are the occasional leagues, including one of mine, that run through week 17.

I happen to loathe those leagues for some reason.

On the one hand, I had great personal success, making it to the championships in each of my five leagues—happy face. On the other, we now watch week 17 and playoff games for what they are … real football , and no more frantic following the ticker for second-by-second stat updates—sad face. But I wouldn’t trade the ups and downs, the ebbs and flows, the high fives and gut punches that make up fantasy football for anything.

OK, if you really pushed me on it, I’d come up with a couple things. Like a roundtrip flight to the Grand Caymans. Or a ‘go to the front of the line free’ card, at the mall. Or a rolling suitcase that actually rolls and the zipper doesn’t break on the second use. Is that too much to ask? Or one of the cinnamon dolce lattes, every morning in bed. In the Grand Caymans.

ANYhow, without further ado—or incessant unnecessary ramblings on my part—I give you the top five fantasy performances in week 16 from players in fake football leagues across our great land.

5. Eric Decker, Wide Receiver, Denver Broncos

25.10 Fantasy Points

Wow, how this guy has delivered for fantasy owners most of this season. I actually picked Decker up off waivers (!) in one league after Week 2. Of course, I had to drop Terrelle Pryor. I’d say that was a productive transaction for me. A week after disappointing with less than five fantasy points, Decker delivered in the biggest way in the biggest week for most, by catching 10 balls for 131 yards and two touchdowns. Decker now has double-digit scores on the year, and is projected for over 1,300 yards receiving. Having a quarterback named Peyton Manning has its benefits, most would attest to. One other thing about Decker that comes to mind. Most women I know that follow football at all, rank Decker in their top five as well. But for, um, different reasons.  

4. Geno Smith, Quarterback, New York Jets

27.36 Fantasy Points

I’ll admit, I didn’t expect to see Geno’s name on this list. I didn’t know he scored this much this week. I honestly didn’t even realize he still had the starting quarterback job. Heck, I wasn’t sure he was still on the roster for Rex Ryan’s gangrene bunch.

Of course I’m joking. Or am I? Really, though, even if it was against the Browns, and even if Ryan potentially utilized some doctored pregame pep rally talk, and even if he only completed 20 passes for 214 yards … Smith put up the fourth most points this week.

He’s always a threat to get you points with his legs, which he did to the tune of 48 yards and a score. Prior to the past three weeks, Geno had averaged a negative 1.54 fantasy points per game in Weeks 11 through 13.

You read that right. The fourth best scoring fantasy player in most leagues fantasy championships (week 16), Geno Smith, averaged less than zero points over a three week span.

Now you see why I wondered if he was still on the roster? And maybe this whole joke thing is on us.

3. LeSean McCoy, Running Back, Philadelphia Eagles

28.20 Fantasy Points

I love this guy; I really do. I likely shouldn’t air this on such a public forum, but … love me some Shady. Two weeks ago, he played Frosty the SnowDAWG, going nuts against the Lions in that blizzard. Last week, he unfathomably received only eight carries.

So, this week, the Eagles unleashed Shady yet again, against the hapless  Bears run defense. I do use that term ‘defense’ loosely. He had 133 yards rushing on 7.4 yards per carry and scored twice, to go along with six catches for 29 yards.

McCoy so perfectly fits into Chip Kelly’s offensive scheme of getting his skill players into open space. It’s crazy how much I enjoy watching him exploit defensive weaknesses, find and explode through holes, and juke his way out of defenders’ grasp.

So, Shady, don’t be fearful of that unknown number that’s called your phone 217 times since Thanksgiving. It may be 218 now. But who’s counting? I just want to say thanks for helping me win a few leagues this year. That’s all. Really.

2. Andy Dalton, Quarterback, Cincinnati Bengals

31.64 Fantasy Points

Andy Dalton has been contacted by acting agents from Hollywood. They’re looking to fill the role of Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde, and they think Dalton can fill both well.

Of course, they’ll just shoot three or four week at a time for each character, he seems to have these white hot and then, similarly, eerily cold streaks each season.

Obviously, I jest. Yet, Week 15 was the hottest of the hot for the Red Rifle this year.

At home against the Vikings with the Bengal running game fairly nonexistent and the defense dominating, Dalton completed 27 passes for 366 and four touchdowns, and rushed for 10 yards for good measure.

His 31.64 points were a season high, and only trailed one other player for the week’s scoring title. Who might that be? Keep reading.

Sure he’s got an absolute stud in A.J. Green; but beyond that, the other receiving target names are a bit pedestrian. But fantasy owners don’t care. He may have well have just won you a fake football title. So, return your thanks by voting for Dalton when the movie award nominees come out, and he’s up for Jekyll. Or Hyde. Or both.

1. Peyton Manning, Quarterback, Denver Broncos

32 Fantasy Points

So there’s this other actor guy, mostly known for his Saturday Night Live appearances and commercials really, who started playing some football not too long ago.

He fell into an amazing situation in Denver where they needed a quarterback, they had some really great receivers and the general manager decided to give this actor-turned-athlete a shot. And viola! Peyton has the season of all seasons.

And, although Manning led all players in scoring this week with 32—it’s become expected for him to lead the league in scoring weekly—this spot on my list is, in essence, a season achievement award. He broke Tom Brady’s single- season passing touchdown record in Week 16. Sunday, he threw for 400 yards,  and four touchdowns—for the EIGHTH time this year—to bring his total to 51 on the year.

He’s made literally every skill player on Denver’s roster not only relevant, but having the potential to explode any given week. [See No. 1 above. See Demaryius Thomas. See Julius Thomas. Shall I continue?] This next sentence should tell you all you need to know about Peyton this year. His down week 14 saw him total only 21 fantasy points, allowing opposing owners to breathe and maybe even win their first round.

I happen to fall into this category. I even have the tee: “I Survived Peyton Manning”. And you know how I know Peyton is a good actor? In the post-game on-field interview, he joked that it wouldn’t be long before Brady broke his newly set record. Good acting, Peyton. You almost made us believe you really believe that could happen. And that you’d be ok with it. Career after football? Check.

After this long season, I know I’m ready for that latte.