You’ve been there. You’re at a business party or at your girlfriend’s best friend’s uncle’s rented lakehouse for the weekend. Somehow in some conversation with someone with whom you’ve somehow never discussed fantasy football – how does that even happen?? – the subject of your fantasy team comes up. Before you know it, you’re the contestant on some bizarro 20 Questions gameshow, where you’re being badgered into addressing the meaning and origination of, reasoning behind and future impact of your choosing The Militant Vegans as your team name.

Now, WE all have our individual reasons for picking our teams names. One guy wants to honor his kids – Charlie’s Angels: his kids were Angel and Charlie. Another wants to pay respects to NFL stars of the past – The Chuck Foremans or The Barry Sanders Show. There’s that gal who’s a huge movie buff, and spins team names like Dezevoir Dogs and The Blair Walsh Project. One year, I was The Bridesmaids, because I finished as runner-up in our league four out of the previous five years. I was even in a league once where a guy’s team was The Pampered Chefs. He’d been ‘between jobs’ for awhile, and gotten roped into working home parties with his wife, selling kitchen tools and food products for the multi-level marketing company. You think HE took some grief?

The point here is that we encourage creativity, individuality and tangible rationale for your team name. Just do that; have a reason for your team name, and be original. It’s a way to show the world—or at least the friends you want to humiliate on a weekly basis—that you’re more than just a brilliant NFL scout-in-training, who could handle personnel decisions for the Patriots any given Sund … hell, any given year. Prove that the other side of your brain works as well.

It’s just that … well, some of those in our fantasy football fraternity seem to have quit trying to be creative. Or, perhaps they never made an effort in the first place. And that’s cool. I’m here for you. I can’t and won’t name your team FOR you; rather, I’m here to help eliminate stale and worn-out options for next year. After all, the first step to improvement and self-actualization is … hmmm, deleting that God-awful fantasy football team name from your fantasy sports resume? Yeah. That.

So after a quick informal poll and a mini-perusal of my personal memory bank of prior leagues, I proudly present the following list of fantasy football team names that should just go. And why. Let’s do this.

ANY Tim Tebow and/or Brett Favre Team Name

Let’s kick this off with a couple of softballs. Any team name that involves Tebow (What Would Tebow Do?

The Big Tebowski; Boston Tebow Party) or Favre (Favre Dollar Footlong; Favre from Retired; Favre Fig Newtons) needs to go.

I don’t have to explain this one for you, kids. We’ve all seen them, and we’ve seen them all. Predictably, they make my list mostly because they’re so overused.

All the play on words with Favre’s name? Overplayed. The blending of the name Tebow into … well, something even more annoying? Turn off the blender, people. Be original.

This is 2013; Tebow’s not been in the league for a year. Some would argue he’s not been in the league for even longer that that. And Favre? Depends on which retirement you’re counting. So, we welcome you back to this decade. Move along now, nothing new to be seen here.

Brady’s Bunch

Now here’s a story … of a man named Tom Brady. He was just one man, with three boys of his own: Gronk, Hernandez, Welker. Until the one day when Welker left for Denver, and Hernandez went to prison and … OK, I’ll quit now.

But I think the point has been made here. What are we doing here? The television show initially aired in the 1960’s, over 40 years ago.  Interestingly, though, doesn’t Tom Terrific have kids from two different women?

And I imagine his 22,000 foot, $20 million Brentwood, CA mansion surely could provide more room for the Greg and Peter to throw football in the backyard, allowing Marcia to escape the embarrassment of being hit in the nose, right before her big date! Catch up everyone?

Surely we can fast-forward even two decades, to create some team name from, say 90210?

60 Minutes with Mike Wallace

Upfront, may the journalist Mike Wallace rest in peace, and be remembered for the quality reporter and gentleman he was. Now, back to fantasy football. Snoozapalooza. Really, this is the best we can do? 60 Minutes with Mike Wallace? Cute, I suppose, but quite unoriginal. I mean, you didn’t even have to change the name. This is a classic plug-n-play fantasy football team name approach. Aren’t wide receivers supposed to be loud, gamebreaking, pouty divas? Yes, I’m talking to you, Dez Bryant, Keyshawn Johnson and Chad Johnson. Could there be any more sleepy reference than this for a high-flying, deep threat like Wallace, the football player, supposedly is? I don’t even know anyone who doesn’t change the channel over to Sunday Night Football.

Forgetting Brandon Marshall

I’ve had SEVERAL fantasy footballers express their disdain for this team name, which somewhat inexplicably continues popping up in leagues every year.

I don’t really get it, honestly. I know the movie was stellar, well-received and all, and featured the budding talents of Hollywood stars Jason Segel, Kristen Bell, Mila Kunis, Russell Brand.

Yet, other than the connection of Sarah Marshall’s name to Brandon Marshall, I don’t really see the appeal. So, I’ll ask the question again.

What does naming your team Forgetting Brandon Marshall tell us you’re thinking? Are you wondering if Marshall is getting lost in his team’s gameplanning? Here’s an answer to that question: Dude is averaging right at 99 receptions per year, over the past six years. It’s safe to say his quarterbacks are not forgetting him. Or maybe you’re mirroring the movie storyline: love-sick, broken-hearted, and calling out to the universal fantasy football gods for help solve your ethereal questions about life, love and other mysteries. There are other places for that. Try using Forgetting Brandon Marshall on HeartbrokenandDesperate.com; it might have more impact.

White Cassel

It’s obvious that Matt Cassel’s name fits one of the formulas for naming fantasy teams … take a household brand, White Castle, and puzzle-piece an NFL player’s name in. Kudos. That’s where it stops for me. Did you name your team while drunk, or working off the evenings festivities at 3am, while downing a few sliders? I’m not dogging the place; their late night offerings got me through many a … ahem … late night in college. I’m thankful and indebted to them. I might own stock by now. But, really, what image does one conjure up, when thinking of White Castle? Pretty sure I’m not singling them out here. Hell, there’s a blockbuster movie, with White Castle IN the title, about a couple of stoners who frequent the joint. So if that’s what you want your fellow league owners to think of, when they see your team name, then congratulations Harold. Or wait, are you Kumar? I always got you two confused.

Love in an Elevator

This is an actual team name in one of my leagues over the years. I think the owner (a dude) discovered another owner was an attractive female, therefore, precipitating his effort to ‘up his game’. I’m just not buying he took the right approach. He chose the “Well, she doesn’t know what I look like either. Maybe she’s into 80’s rock-pop bands” approach. I’m imaging this is the same guy who uses original pickup lines like “What do you like for your breakfast in bed? Coffee, tea, or me?” Dude, you have a thing for Steven Tyler? Or are you just stuck in 1989, with those parachute pants? As we previously discussed, your team name says something about you. In this case, I’m left with but one conclusion. This team name choice tells me nothing about you, bro, other than what one of your sexual fantasies might be. And I want to know nothing about that business. Less is more, my friend. Less is more.

Jersey Leshoure

This was a new one for me over the past couple of years. So, for being original and for creatively fitting a current player’s name (Mikel Leshoure) in, I give high marks. Sadly, I don’t happen to be a regular viewer or fan of any of the Jersey Shore television series. For a reason. OK, for about a thousand reasons. I’m not judging; to each his own. But, because of my distant disdain for what I think is the ludicrous nature of the show, this team name just has to go. I asked a friend who does watch. She told me one of their ‘things’ is ‘GTL: Gym Tan Laundry’. So I ask you, fantasy owner dude, are you a reality show junkie? Are you paying homage to the Pauly’s and Snooki’s of the world? More power to ya. Or are you a buff, tan brother, doing his lineups while folding laundry every Sunday morning? There’s no shame. Admission is the first step.

Scoreless in Seattle

This is one of the more confusing team names on my list. The inference could go in so many directions. Does this imply that you are into Tom Hanks / Meg Ryan sappy, love story chick flicks? For the record, I got permission from a gal in one of my leagues to use her quote in categorizing Sleepless in Seattle as just that—a sappy, love story chick flick. Or is this owner saying he’s fed up with what the Seahawks are showing as a team. Granted, this implication would likely have been from several years back, when the Seahawks were less than contenders. Yet, would the owner who uses this name actually be a ‘Hawks fan, and call them out so blatantly? Or lastly, is this simply a plea from an owner who, putting it bluntly, hasn’t gotten laid in awhile? Ya know, a fantasy football version—albeit cheap version—of online dating. We’ll never know. Especially if you don’t use this team name again. Online dating services everywhere thank you.

Show Me Your TD’s

I get it. It’s comical, in a Beavis and Butthead sort of way. The indisputable symbiotic tie between football and sexual innuendo here is outstanding. The wordplay just worked so nicely, it had to be used. For the first 10 years of fantasy football. But now, with the advent of online medical research and education, I think I may have seen this (TD’s) on some comprehensive list of maladies for which medication—oral or otherwise—is necessary. Does labeling your team with this moniker make you a medical professional? Or just imply that you stayed at a Holiday Inn Express? Or, more likely, were you preparing for your draft midday, over the buffet lunch at the local strip club one day? Now that’s a visual. All you can eat salad bar, boobs, and fantasy football documents spread on the table. It’s all good. Just don’t forget the singles.

Somewhere Over the Dwayne Bowe

Perhaps the most overused name in recent memory, I chuckled the first, oh, 37 times I saw this name. I’m pretty sure this team name has been used in every league I’ve participated in since the previous Presidential administration.

A friend just told me, “This one should go somewhere and never come back.” Now I understand the cute way Dwayne Bowe’s name fits into the classic phrase in it’s own sing-songy manner.

And granted, that’s one of the foundations for quality fantasy team construction. But, I’m ready for a new player name substituted into another timeless expression.

Ya know, something like Beauty and the Beast-mode. Or The Wizard of Cros(by). Or Sense and Sensabaugh. OK, so maybe Somewhere Over the Dwayne Bowe isn’t so bad after all.

Bottom line, boys and girls, do your part to permanently make some of these team names just go away. Like far away. As far as the east is from the west. Your credibility as a creative, yet kick-ass, fantasy football owner is on the line here. For the good of card-carrying fantasy players everywhere, do it for all of us.