One of the coolest playoff traditions in playoff hockey (besides the endless overtime) is the playoff beard. I suppose the facial neglect is designed to reflect the intense focus on the hockey to be played, but the origin of the playoff beard is based on team unity from the New York Islanders of the early 1980’s.

Obviously the tradition continues today as a team though there are a few players who remain clean-shaven. There are also the humorous attempts by the players who seem to be “follicularly” challenged in the playoff beard department.

This year the final four teams represented the Stanley Cup winners from the past four years. Ironically, of the four winners, only Zdeno Chara of the Boston Bruins provided a traditional “full-coverage” beard. In fact, Chara’s beard is/was so robust, that he could have trimmed a dozen pounds off of it to complete the bare patches on the mugs of the other winning captains.

Let’s be clear, a fantastic beard does not win a Stanley Cup, but it can’t hurt your chances. One of my favorite captains, Steve Yzerman, had the facial hair of a middle school kid, so I can’t bust chops on too many other guys. Wait, yes I can!

The first three games of the Stanley Cup Final have been tightly contested. Two of three have reached overtime, with each team looking for an edge, let’s see how the two squads match up in the beard department.

Goaltender: Tuukka Rask vs. Corey Crawford

In the beard department Crawford has it all over Rask. Sure the Boston backstop had a Game 3 shutout to push the Bruins ahead 2-1 in the series, but it wasn’t because of a manly adornment of facial lettuce. Crawford’s beard is a B+  while Rask only has traces of stray cat hair dusted haphazardly about his grill. Advantage Chicago

Defense: Zdeno Chara vs. the entire Chicago defensive corps

I can’t deduct points for Torey Krug because I don’t think his testicles have descended yet and he literally has as much hair on his face as coach Claude Julien has on his head. However, the ringer in this matchup is Chara who provides much of Eastern Europe with wool for the winter when he shaves at the end of the season. Chicago has some quality with Johnny Oduya, Michal Rozsival and Duncan Keith but the nod goes to Boston and their grizzly on the blue line. Advantage Boston.

Forwards: Boston’s best( Patrice Bergeron, Jaromir Jagr and Brad Marchand) vs. Chicago’s Best(Patrick Kane, Jonathan Toews and Patrick Sharp)

From a  skill standpoint, I would have to say that the Chicago trio matches up against anyone in the NHL. From a bearded point of view there is much to be desired. Of the three from the windy city, only Patrick Sharp has a beard worth coveting. Toews can at least finally connect the odd looking muttonchops that have slid down the side of his melon. As “Puck Daddy” Greg Wyshynski himself proclaimed on Twitter, Patrick Kane’s face “looks like he sneezed into a half empty bag of Cheetos.” Ouch.

Boston’s answer to Chicago’s best leads off with a solid effort from Bergeron. Nothing spectacular, but a solid, full effort, just shy of Patrick Sharp’s. Marchand follows with a grimy looking effort that seems to suit his style of play. The showcase of the Bruin trio is Jagr, who refused to accept nature’s course and chemically enhanced his gray and shaved his chin. I t looks as though he may be auditioning for a Wolverine-type super hero role or planning a post-retirement foray into the adult entertainment industry. Advantage Boston.

So there you have it. The strength (literally) of Chara and Jagr’s superfluous testosterone propels Boston into the winner’s circle. The Bruins still have two more games before they can carve themselves into the Stanley Cup again. Until then, they can take great pride knowing that they are my winners in the Battle of the Beards!